Dear Higher Self: I'm jealous of other people's success
"How do I deal with having these feelings of comparing myself?"
Dear Bunny,
I’m a singer and songwriter. This is the first time I’m pursuing a music career and I need advice on how to deal with comparing myself to others and feeling envious of other success and feelings of not being good enough. I believe in myself but sometimes I get these thoughts where I have self-doubt. Right now I’m working full-time as an account manager at a software company so I’m pursuing music on the side but my ultimate dream and end goal is to be a singer full-time one day, to grow a fan base and also song write for major artists eventually.
A little background on me: I battle with mental health issues. I have anxiety and depression and I have to take medication every day for it and I’m also in therapy. I’ve always been a singer and written songs but I’m just recently pursuing it as a potential career because I just started getting help for my depression, literally just a year ago when I started going to therapy for the first time. As you know, depression can drain you of energy and motivation to do what you love to do so getting treatment really gave me the fuel I needed to pursue my passion for music for the first time.
But I struggle with self-esteem. I struggle with thoughts like, am I a good singer? Are my lyrics good enough? It’s so frustrating and exhausting dealing with these thoughts and living this way and I want to exist and not beat myself up. I struggle with comparing myself to more successful singers. For example, this girl I went to high school with and her music is much more successful than mine. She has a million streams and thousands of followers and is verified on IG and I love that for her but I unfollowed her on socials because it makes me feel like crap and makes me feel envious.
It’s exhausting being me and having my brain. How do I deal with having these thoughts and feelings of comparing myself? I just want to be set free of it. I want to manifest my own success and I want to be kind to myself.
Hi love,
First of all, congratulations on making your music and pursuing your passion! It’s very courageous and you should be really proud of yourself.
As someone who has made music and art for years, I understand the fear and the self-doubt. But all of those feelings are coming up because you are stepping out of your comfort zone. You can’t do something brave without confronting fear. Imposter syndrome is a precursor to disrupting your status quo. As long as you continue to push yourself creatively, you will have moments of fear because, as artists, our process is to keep growing and doing things that make us vulnerable.
The key isn’t to never have self-doubt, it’s to become less attached to those moments by reminding yourself that it’s part of the process of being courageous. It’s why so many people don’t pursue their passions. They don’t want to feel those feelings. When self-doubt comes up tell yourself, I am willing to feel this because I know it’s part of the process. I will keep going. and you will see how much easier it is to move through those moments to get to the other side and continue your creative process.
I also want to emphasis the difference between comparing yourself to other artists and jealousy. It makes sense to compare yourself with other people because you are trying to get feedback on how you are doing. There is no playbook for being an artist in 2025. We learn from seeing what other people are doing, especially people we have a lot in common with. It’s ok to compare yourself to learn from their process or feel inspired by their work.
Jealousy is a reaction to comparing yourself to others when you are in the false mindset that one person’s success is an obstacle to yours. That perspective is just factually untrue! There is enough room for everybody to shine artistically. We are living in a really cool time where creative people can share their work with an audience online. But often that can create an illusion that we are less talented or our work is less valuable because we don’t have a huge following or we aren’t “growing” at the same pace as others.
And while it is true that many popular artists are extremely talented, there are countless profoundly gifted artists who don’t have mass recognition and whose audiences are much smaller but that doesn’t make their work any less important or impactful to the people who love it. Having a huge following does not necessarily make you a happier or more fulfilled artist because at every level, there is always another artist who is “more successful”. on top of that, success in any artistic industry fluctuates. You could be at the top of your game for one album and then the next one isn’t a hit. For all these reasons, as artists, career success cannot be the reason we do it. It has to be much deeper.
The most important thing you are going to have to come to terms with is that the purpose of your art is not to make you “enough”. Your art is a spiritual practice. When you do your art, you are channeling divine creative energy. It’s a space for you to honor your deepest feelings and expression. You are in a sacred relationship with your art.
And you have to be really conscious of not turning that relationship toxic by needing it to “complete you” by succeeding at meeting all your demands.
It’s just like having a romantic partner: if you depend on a romantic partner to give you self-worth, that relationship is going to fall apart, or at least become very toxic. You stop seeing that person as an individual, you only see them as playing a role, whose purpose is to give you confidence. And depending on their “performance” at their role, your confidence goes up and down. It’s not fair to do that to a partner and it’s not fair to do it to your art.
Your higher self knows that you are already complete. you are already enough and you always have been. And your healing journey is bringing you closer to being in alignment with your higher self. It’s wonderful to be pursuing your passion, but regardless of any outcome, it won’t change the fact that you are enough right now.
So I want you to say this affirmation out loud to yourself everyday for the next 30 days as a radical act of kindness: I am enough. I am courageous. My art is a sacred. I love myself.
Take care babe. I’m really excited for your new journey. Focus on enjoying the process. As someone who has been in it for years, when you recognize the growth at each stage it becomes so much more sustainable. And have fun getting to know yourself even more. Art is really about self-exploration. What could be more valuable than that?
i am currently taking questions for this column! reply to this post or email: info@bunnymichael.com
i am now offering one-on-one higher self readings on zoom. if you are in need of guidance and interested in booking a session with me find details here.
need more guidance in connecting with your higher self? my book is currently 32% off on amazon. for other sellers, go here
