Dear Higher Self: I Have Shame Around Money and Creativity

"I value showing up with authenticity but I feel like this puts me at a disadvantage"

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Hi Bunny!

I was wondering if you have any advice or wisdom to share about releasing shame surrounding money and status (I feel like those two go hand in hand). I graduated from art school a year ago and I am having a lot of trouble finding meaningful and well paying jobs as most people do. I feel some regret about the decisions I've made in regards to my career path especially since jobs in the arts don't pay well and the ones that do are highly competitive. I value showing up with authenticity but I feel like this puts me at a disadvantage for "getting ahead". I find it harder to network and "make connections" especially being an introverted person. I also come from a working class family and I have noticed most of my peers from school that have "made it" in the art world come from upper or middle class families. This frustrates me deeply but I also cant tell if that feeling is just jealously. I sometimes feel a sense of being less than people with more money than me though I know my inherent value is not tied to how much money I make. I'd still like to achieve some financial mobility and stability in my lifetime.

Ultimately, I wonder if my efforts to stay true to myself and my values have prevented me from being able to make connections and find opportunities that would open doors for me professionally and financially. I am looking for any insight you might have and possible actions I can take to work with these feelings.

Thank you so much!

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Hi love,

I can totally relate! I went into student loan debt for art school. I know it can feel overwhelming to struggle with finding a job that correlates with your art degree. But going to art school is such a profound experience and getting in touch with your creative voice is in many ways priceless. So please do not shame yourself for wanting to do what you love. That is absolutely beautiful. And admirable. 

Our relationship to money is largely shaped by the experiences of money we had growing up. We live in a culture that taught us “the more we have the more we are”. So it makes sense that if we grew up with less than our peers or are struggling financially—it feels like we are less worthy as people or “lower” status. Even though deep down we know that’s not true. Everyone has value just for being who they are. But that doesn’t mean those fearful and self-loathing thoughts don’t still come up and affect our confidence. When that happens we think: What’s the point of trying? I’ll never be successful. I’ll never make enough money. I’m not a good enough artist because I can’t pay my rent with my art or I don’t have a good enough job. We get overwhelmed and unmotivated. These thought patterns stifle our sense of self and our creativity.

The only way to move past those thought patterns is by changing the narrative aka the story we tell ourselves about money and our value as artists.

Let’s first start with what it means to be a successful artist.

When we were little being creative—for no other reason than to express yourself—was encouraged. But then we reached an age where we were trained to distinguish who was good at making art and who wasn’t. Some people kept creating and some didn’t. That is the sad consequences of a culture of Learned Hierarchical Beliefs. We take something as sacred and natural as creativity and tell people, You’re not good enough to do that.

Art is self-expression. There is no good or bad art—there is only what is meaningful, inspiring and relatable to you. Artistic industries have historically been very exclusionary because when power is in the hands of institutions mired in white supremacy and patriarchy, the art deemed valuable were the self-expressions and perspectives of artists who the critics, producers and gallery owners related to and were inspired by. And the result has been generations of creative voices—whose perspectives were not valued by those in power—being stifled. It saddens me to think of how much beauty and inspiration the Western art world ignored and/or the people who stopped creating because they didn’t think they belonged.

But here is the good news: Countless artists did not let those limiting bias cultural narratives keep them from expressing themselves authentically. They stood up for themselves and KEPT CREATING. And now with the internet helping to decentralized creative industries and expand access, we no longer rely solely on institutions to empower artists.

Showing up authentically does not put you at a disadvantage—it is imperative to changing whose art we value as a culture. Your authenticity is your greatest asset. Your perspective is so important! And staying true to yourself creatively inspires others to do the same. You will find collaborators you vibe with, trust me. It’s totally ok to be introverted!! But there is a difference between being introverted and thinking being introverted means people won’t want to work with you. Until you recognize your value, you will assume other people won’t either.

Remember, you have a creative gift. Do not limit your creativity because you think you need to fit in. It is not the job of the artist to fit in—it is the job of the artist to be expansive. You are the change you want to see in the world. Making art that is courageously you IS successful art!

Now to address narratives around money:

I grew up in a home with a lot of financial stress. For much of my adulthood, money was such a source of anxiety. I either tried not to think about it or thought about it so much I was completely overwhelmed.

What changed for me was realizing that my relationship to money could evolve because my past did not dictate my future.

Rather than telling myself, Someone like me can’t make a lot of money, I started telling myself I can make a lot of money. Rather than telling myself, I’m broke, I started telling myself, I can improve my financial situation by educating myself on financial literacy, making a plan and taking it one step at a time.

I also stopped equating my value as an artist with how much money I was directly making from my art. I realized that if my waiting tables job enabled me to pay the rent at my apartment where I made my art then that was just as valid as my art directly paying my rent. My server job was meaningful because it allowed me to live my purpose.

But perhaps my biggest realization was there is a lot of money out there to be had and I deserved it just as much as anyone else. I am not someone who thinks trying to make money is unspiritual. I think so much of the world’s resources have been hoarded by a small majority and there is more than enough to go around.

When we think about the economic disparities of the world it can be very overwhelming. It’s easy to get discouraged. But too often we don’t see how our internalized shame keep us stuck in a cycle of cynicism and low self-worth, and capitalism profits when you feel lacking. A hierarchical system also depends on people feeling complacent to maintain the status quo. It needs you to feel disempowered and unmotivated, because that way you won’t start to demand better for yourself.

You deserve to live an abundant life and so does everyone else. When you understand that you stop seeing it through the lens of I’m not good enough and start seeing it as everyone is good enough and that includes me!

These lessons have continued to empower me even now that I am in a space where my creativity does pay my bills. Because I recognize that in my career there will always be ups and downs (that is the nature of a capitalist system) but being an artist will never change. I am a creative being and my artistic voice is valuable regardless of what is in my bank account. And that is true for you too, babe.

So as you continue to look for the right job, pay close attention to the story you tell yourself about your own value and what is possible for you. Keep an open mind about career pathways that will bring you joy and fulfillment that might be more outside of the box than you had initially planned for. This is only the beginning of your journey! You might not land the most ideal job right out of college but that is ok. You are not in competition with anyone. Just take it one step at a time and trust in your authentic creative voice.

And if you catch yourself in a thought pattern where you are comparing yourself to someone or telling yourself it will never happen for you, ask yourself: is this helpful? Or does this just keep me tethered to the past? And what would my Higher Self say?

There is a common cultural myth about reaching goals that if someone else reaches their goals then it’s a sign that you can’t. When in fact if someone else reaches a goal, that means you can too!!

Lastly, there will always be someone with more success, more recognition more fame and more money. Ultimately no matter how much success or money you make from your art and creativity, it will never be enough until you realize that you are enough just for being you. The world needs your gifts and perspective. Take that energy with you to your pursuits, your job interviews and your collaborations. Stay open to possibility while recognizing why you wanted to be an artist in the first place—because you love it. That’s what will keep it sustainable no matter the ups and downs of a career in a capitalist system.

I am excited for your journey, you got this!

Love,

Bunny