Biggest Healing Lessons from 2024 (Relationship Edition)
my most powerful breakthroughs and how they can help you too
My favorite part about healing is taking note of the realizations you have on your journey. For example, the ah ha moment you become aware of an unconscious behavioral pattern, or when you get clarity on why a situation is triggering, or the moment you discover a new way to communicate your needs more effectively. These healing lessons/shifts in perspective happen because we are courageous enough to look within. Sometimes we don’t even notice how much we have grown until we look back and take note of the changes in our life as a result of learning and becoming more self-aware.
The end of the year is the perfect time to reflect on your healing lessons and recognize your progress. Here are my top healing lessons around relationships for 2024. I hope they are inspiring and helpful to you. Next week, I will share my top healing lessons around work/career and pursuing your passion.
It is not your job to please everyone:
I grew up in a stressful home and often took it upon myself to keep the peace by being as pleasing as possible. Over the years I have been working on healing my people pleasing tendencies when it comes to my family and close friends. I realized that not being honest about my needs wasn’t loving because it built up resentment and the people that really cared about me cared about my true feelings. However, when it came to my relationships with my audience online, my people pleasing tendencies were still very powerful. I was holding back on voicing my true feelings for fear of doing something or saying something that was displeasing. But I realized holding myself up to those standards was not only impossible (because you can’t please everyone even if you tried), it was depleting my spirit. This year I learned the more authentic and honest you are about your needs, desires and feelings the higher the chance someone isn’t going to like you and THAT IS OK. We are not here to make ourselves small or to be palatable. We are not here to please everyone. We are here to shine our light. And the people that vibrate at our frequency will be drawn to it and those that don’t, won’t. The sooner we accept that, the happier we will be.
You are allowed to change your boundaries:
Some people see boundaries as limitations in relationships. But I like to think of them as the structures and foundations we build upon. Boundaries create safe spaces for us to continue to heal and grow. Sometimes, those boundaries can change as a result of us changing. For example, a couple years ago I created a boundary and stopped communicating with a friend who had hurt my feelings. However, this year after having done a lot of inner healing around that wounding, I agreed to meet with my old friend for a casual hang and see how it felt. It went well, even though I know we will most likely never be as close as we were in the past.
Not all structures are set in stone and depending on what your needs are around healing, it is possible for boundaries to change. I’m not saying to relinquish boundaries just because you can—I’m saying that part of having healthy boundaries is understanding they are a reflection of your needs and sometimes your needs change. In fact, alot of people don’t create boundaries because they think once they do, those boundaries are permanent. This happens alot when it comes to boundaries with family. Creating boundaries with family members could be extremely beneficial to your healing journey. But often people think, I don’t want to create this boundary because I can’t cut this person out of my life forever. But it doesn’t have to be forever, necessarily. Boundaries can evolve as we do.
Don’t shame yourself for missing someone who wasn’t good for you:
A lot of people feel shame for missing or thinking about someone who didn’t treat you right and who is an unhealthy person to have in your life. We have to stop shaming ourselves for this!
What we miss about those people, isn’t the way they mistreated us, it is the